This work may be concerned with my unconscious ideas with eyes.
There are four things I have found about this, one is my childhood memories. It Influences me a lot in terms of making habitual forms. For example, making eyeballs that have come from my study of Japanese animation girl characters when I was a child. Although I have watched a lot of Japanimation until now, I watch no more magical girl transformations which I used to enjoy. The second thing is my automatic gestural marks. Most of the time I don’t catch or understand what I make, but my hand keeps moving and ends up making flowing forms.
Third of all, I like the composition of the eyes. I didn't regard eyes as something functioning that we can see through the world. I was just attracted by the composition of a girl character’s eyes. Pupil, colorful iris, and the highlight of the eye are still so beautiful, specifically, I like the contrast between the color of those three elements.
Lastly, After a conversation with a friend, I realized that these eyes could be the way how the world sees me. I behave very unnaturally, for example, walking like a robot because I imagine people who don't know me look at me and think about me, although it’s not true. When unusual things happen, I think it is a prank show, imagining someone might record me how I react.
If I had painted different forms, I wouldn't have investigated my thoughts about the eyes. However, I made the painting that is literally showing eyeballs. So I think about deeply why I depict them.
"Drawings are thought feathers, they are ideas that I seize in midflight and put down on paper. All my thoughts are not translated into sculpture until several years later. As a result, there are lots of things that appear in drawings that are never explored further." My tutor, Mark Fairnington, recommended me looking up Louise Bourgeois's drawings, then he was wondering whether I draw or not. I said no, as I thought drawing was a former step to painting - as a secondary medium used for the process of planning a painting. Because of this reason, I did not always feel free to 'draw for painting.' It was stressful for me. But, Louise Bourgeois didn't treat drawing like this. Her drawings had a therapeutic motivation, suggesting that drawing was more than just a way to plan ideas for her sculptures. The resulting images are sometimes figurative, sometimes abstract or with elements of both figuration and abstraction. She drew on various paper using various materials like anything else can be used to pin down her thoughts and feelings. Her subjects include child-like figures, geometric scenarios, etc. Abstract drawings operate at the surface, having a soothing effect upon the artist, while the figurative drawings dig deep into the depths in order to weed out the memories that may have been disturbing her. So, basically, the daily practice of writing and drawing kept her creative energy flowing, enabling her to draw upon the thoughts and memories that were often lurking deep in the well of the subconscious mind.
As being persuaded by her attitude towards drawing, I have decided to draw three times a week - doing it everyday is harsh for me and I know I would stop doing if I do everyday. Thanks to Mark and Louise, my thoughts about drawing has been changed. Drawing regulary must be helpful to develop and investigate my unconscious forms.
As my big painting has been done, I have been wondering where I am standing between 'just painting' and 'fear/anxiety'. Do I paint based on pleasure ? or the fear? I cannot answer this question. What I found during unit 1 was that I enjoy making artwork - regardless of media. I came across a painting of Fiona Rae, who was one of the Young British Artists at Tate Britain. Her art was attractive to me, so I started to look up her interview. She said, "I use a lot of brushes. I just paint following by my brushstrokes."Since I wondered where I should stand in terms of 'art theme', her words helped me to push myself just to do. I think the reason why she paints small panda and cartooning is that she wants to be unique and imply her birth in Hong Kong.